I do find it hard to talk about my time at High School. I left that horrible place over two decades ago, but I still occassionally get nightmares from my time there! It’s difficult to talk about in general, as when I did try to talk about it back then, hardly anyone believed me. Now though, I just say it was a horrible time, because anyone else I talk to who went there, had a wonderful time?!
I was frequently bullied, students physically attacked me, the teachers were not very caring, and when I tried to tell most people about it after school; hardly anyone believed me:
- Possibly due to how positive the school was seen by Ofsted,
- Or possibly because some of their kids went, and they weren’t having any struggles.
No wonder then I just kept it to myself, which is perhaps why I have been struggling from bad memories of those days for a considerable time now.
I was also in the bottom set, a fact that a good friend of mine (who is a University Lecturer) was rather surprised by. And whilst it was the school teachers job to occassionally state that the kids in class weren’t thick, it doesn’t help that the set was labelled “T”, as in 7T, 8T, 9T, and so on. T for Thick! And if you need further evidence, the next set up was labelled ST; possibly for Slightly Thick!
It was an awful time for me. Several years ago, when my Mental Health was very much on the edge, I desperately wanted to write a letter to the school, to demand an apology! Now, someone suggested that was possibly not a good idea, so I didn’t (but I can’t help but wonder what would have happened, if I had?). Sometimes I get fragments of the good times, but they are few in number. I made some good friends over the time, and whilst some of these friendships lasted, most did not, but that’s usually how life works out.
The worst year for me was year 9, as it was just a constant playout of negativity. That was when some of the bullying was at it’s worst too, largely thanks to just one girl, who would constantly kick me in the Crown Jewels, before every class (and she was in almost every class with me). I though had zero confidence to do anything about it, as I was paralyzed with fear given how the school was run like a Prison. Thankfully, a couple of other girls (one of whom had been a former bully to me, which made it hard to see that she was being nice to me) kept seeing this and spoke up for me. Nowadays, I wish I had been brave enough to stand up to it, because then I might have been brave enough to take an Ofsted inspector to the side, and highlight the real truth behind the school. Well, the bad girl in question left the school later that year.
The only year, that seemed to be any good (or good by comparison to the other four years I was there for), was the last one. Several of the major bullies had been deported to other schools, and most of the minor ones, decided to grow up and focus on their studies. So there was a grerater element of peace. Plus some of the other kids became friends with me, which madeyear a smidge more pleasant. Also I started watching Professional Wrestling at the weekends, which meant that no matter what horrible stuff happened at school during the week (which it still did, as it wasn’t perfectly rosey), I could just forget it all, by watching some wrestling, with classic stars like The Undertaker, Booker T, and Rob Van Dam.
I originally set out to write about one of the seriously bad moments I had at school, but knowing I needed to set up what my life was like back then, it has developed into something else. Which does mean that if I do write about that in the future, I don’t have to give much set up. Plus it is nice to finally get these things off my chest, at least for a small respite before they flood my brain with the negative times once again!
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